Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
