i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
