u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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