Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize