we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
