Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
