I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
