just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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