I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
