I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
