Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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