Do vagina's smell?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
