She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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