I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
