glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
