youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
