I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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