I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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