Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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