Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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