So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
