I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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