i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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