last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize