dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
