Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
