Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I can text with my tongue
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
