He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
