I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
