I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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