As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
