Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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