I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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