Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
