I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
