if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
