i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
