i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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