You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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