my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
