So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
