ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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