Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
