so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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