someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
