so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
