woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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