btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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