he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
