she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
