I wannas sexs uuuuu
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
