btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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