I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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