Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
