Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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