Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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