Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
we're so committed to being not committed
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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