we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
