I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
