Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
