just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
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I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
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I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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