I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
