Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i now understand why vodka
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
