If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
