I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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