I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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