Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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