she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
