My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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