In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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