I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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