they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
