That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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