i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
