How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
it glows. i had to have it.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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