I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
