do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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