I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
