I love black thongs
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
