There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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