Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize